Consent plays a vital part in our connectivity and community. Self-Expression and Cooperation require a social contract to make our event a safe place to play. All parties who participate in a physical encounter should do so from a place of enthusiasm and autonomy. Consent must be explicitly granted from an individual who is clearly in a state of mind to be able to grant it.
What do we mean by consent? Consent is an affirmative, unambiguous, and conscious decision by each participant to engage in mutually agreed-upon activity. The consent has to be ongoing throughout any encounter. While consent is generally spoken about in terms of sexual activity, it extends beyond this at Constellation. We apply the same guidelines to taking pictures of others, hugging, entering a camp’s private space, etc. While we strive to make Constellation a safe place for everyone, assumptions can be made (sometimes from those who have never been to a Burn before) about what is acceptable and what is not.
Some examples of where informed and enthusiastic consent should be considered include:
- Touch: Just because you hugged someone yesterday doesn’t mean you can surprise them with a hug today. “Surprise contact” isn’t always wanted, even if it’s affectionate. Touch includes bodies and things.
- Kink: Consent for one thing isn’t consent for another. If I said you can spank me, that doesn’t give you permission to grope me.
- Sex: Consent can be revoked once it’s been given.
- Gifts: Disclose what is in your gifts, even if it’s just essential oils. Some people have sensitivities
- Foods: Disclose the ingredients, one person’s innocuous ingredient can be someone else’s allergy.
- Photography: Ask before taking pictures. Remember consent to take a picture is NOT consent to post it on your blog.
The following is Constellation’s stance on consent and “best practices” for protecting yourself and others:
- NO always means NO. Only YES means YES. Get an enthusiastic YES before proceeding with anything that might infringe on someone else’s boundaries. After someone has said NO, cajoling, pleading, or any form of emotional blackmail is UNACCEPTABLE.
- YES can turn into a NO at any time, and that needs to be respected. You or the other person don’t have to go along with something, even if it was previously agreed on. If you change your mind, speak up! if someone else changes their mind, act in accordance with that new boundary.
- Before you assume someone wants your attention, ASK. Being direct is OK. This includes anything from casual touch, hugs, spankings, kissing, etc. Some people do not want to be touched, respect that. Asking is expected protocol, not the exception.
- Respect the moment. Comfort levels vary at different times and with different people. Even if a person seems comfortable with one person touching them does not mean they are ok with everyone touching them. If you’re not sure if what you’re about to do is ok, either where you are, or who you are with, ask. Not everything is a good idea everywhere. (see # 3)
- Being under the influence is not an excuse for infringing on others’ boundaries. Consider your level of sobriety. Are you able to ask permission and respect others’ boundaries? Consider the other person’s level of sobriety. Are they able to give consent? TIP: Not sure? Wait! You can wait until you both have your full judgment
Easy Consent Guide:
Yes = Yes
No = No
Maybe = No
Silence = No
I’m not sure = No
Ummm = No
Hesitation = No
I don’t know = No
Walking Away = No
“Freezing” = No
Only YES means YES
See the The 11th Principle – Consent website and The Consent Academy for more information.
Can They Consent?
Some clear markers of intoxication & inability to consent include:
- Slurring words or other speech impairment.
- Having difficulty standing upright or walking without stumbling.
- Having trouble remembering things minute to minute.
- Easily loses attention and has a delayed response to comments or questions.
- Overly aggressive behavior in a violent and/or sexual manner.
- They mention that they have consumed a lot of substances.
- Vomiting, complains of feeling like the room is spinning, loss of consciousness.
- Note: It is possible for a person to be “blackout drunk” and it can be difficult for an outside observer to tell. The person could seem aware and articulate, but without consciousness or any memory being recorded.
Going for it? Ask yourself:
- Do they seem aware enough to give *informed* Enthusiastic Consent?
- Am *I* aware enough to be engaging in sexual activity??
- Have we discussed boundaries with intoxicating substances prior to this situation while both clear-headed and sober?
- Can I engage them in a sexual health and safety conversation?
Ask them:
- Do you feel comfortable and fully able to give Enthusiastic Consent?
If you have any doubts, there is no harm in waiting! Arrange and agree to meet later for a sexy consensual romp when you are both sober and clear-headed.
Bystander Intervention
Sometimes a bystander or two intervening in a harassment can stop the situation and limit the harm. Visit https://righttobe.org/guides/bystander-intervention-training/ to pick up some tips.